Why Lasting Change Feels Hard and Why That’s a Good Thing
At some point, most of us have looked at a personal goal wither it be getting healthier, saving more money, improving a relationship, and thought, “I know what I want, and I even know what to do… so why does it feel like I can’t get there?” The answer isn’t always about willpower, talent, or even time.
Often, it’s about our relationship with discomfort.
We know what we want, but we try to skip the hard part and hope to get the results.
We crave the reward without the process. That’s human.
We’re designed to avoid pain and discomfort. And if you’ve ever felt stuck, it may be because you’ve misunderstood what discomfort is supposed to do. It’s not the thing standing in your way.
It is the way.
Discomfort is not just a byproduct of change, it’s proof that change is happening. Being uncomfortable shows when you’re stepping into unfamiliar territory, challenging your limits, or moving closer to something with purpose. It’s a necessary and unavoidable part of real growth and transformation.
The Myth of Motivation
We all have a common belief that we need to feel motivated before we act. We wait for the right moment, the perfect Monday, or the magical burst of energy. But anyone who has successfully changed their life will tell you the moment rarely comes.
Waiting to feel ready is often a trap. When is the perfect time? The time is now, even when you don’t feel like it. And, that’s especially when you should do the thing.
Discipline and consistency, not motivation, are the reliable actions for change. Motivation might get you started, but it’s discipline and consistency that carries you when the excitement wears off and things get tough.
Why Discomfort Matters
As I mentioned before, we’re designed to avoid discomfort, it’s a survival trait. But not all discomfort is the same.
The discomfort that signals harm, like physical pain or injury- that’s not what I’m talking about, and then there’s the discomfort that comes from growth. That second kind is often a sign you’re moving in the right direction.
Consider how your body feels from physical activity after a long break, how managing your finances at first can feel restrictive, or how speaking honestly in a relationship can make you feel open and vulnerable.
These moments may not feel good initially, but they’re the catalyst of meaningful change.
You’ve may have heard the quote by Matthew Kelly: “Everything you want in life is on the other side of something you don’t want to do.” I love that statement because it’s true.
Growth always involves giving up something we crave which is comfort, convenience, or certainty- in exchange for something better.
Avoided Workouts = Avoided Growth
The phrase, “The body you want is hiding in the workouts you avoid.”, applies far beyond exercising and the gym.
The best version of yourself is hiding behind the actions you keep putting off, the food choices you avoid, the daily walk you skip, the self-reflection practice you tell yourself you don’t have time for.
Avoiding what needs to be done is natural and we all do it. We tend to move away from anything that brings physical or emotional strain. Ironically, those are the things that carry the biggest rewards.
The goal isn’t to stop feeling resistance- it’s to stop obeying it.
Understanding Resistance
That inner voice telling you to skip the hard stuff? That’s resistance. Steven Pressfield, in his book The War of Art, describes resistance as the invisible force that shows up every time you try to grow. It sounds like procrastination, self-doubt, or perhaps perfectionism. It says things like, “You’re too late,” or “What’s the point. You’ll never finish anyway.”
But here’s the truth, everyone hears that same voice. The only difference is that successful people don’t let it run their life. They recognize the resistance and do the work anyway. In the end, the voice doesn’t stop but it gets quieter.
The Compound Effect of Small Efforts
“Every journey starts with the first step.” How true that is. One of the best strategies for overcoming resistance is starting small- ridiculously small. Instead of committing an hour at the gym, start with 10 minutes of movement at home.
Instead of cutting out every “bad” food, just add one healthy item to your plate. These tiny shifts may not seem earth shattering, but they build momentum and confidence. And that’s what you need to start with- the first step.
Every time you show up for yourself, you tell your brain something important- “I do hard things now.” That mental shift matters more than any easy win. Because once you see yourself as someone who does the hard thing, discomfort releases some of its grip over you.
Reframing Discomfort as Growth
We all will hit a wall or face a setback, and when we do it’s easy to assume we’ve failed. However, that’s the moment something starts to happen.
Discomfort can be a sign that we’re stepping into a larger world. It’s proof that we’re not taking the easy way out anymore.
Reframing discomfort changes everything. We stop seeing discomfort as something to escape and start seeing it as our training ground.
Whether our goal is physical health or mental well-being, the work will feel awkward and slow at first. That’s okay.
The goal is not to be perfect, it’s to make progress.
Practical Ways to Push Through
Here are a few simple ideas to lean into discomfort and start taking advantage of it.
- Start with something you can already do. Push-up (or modified), body weight squats, walking for time- these actions most of us can already do. Momentum builds from success, not struggle.
- Expect discomfort. You’ve already experienced discomfort on various levels. Don’t be surprised by it anymore. Plan for it and adapt.
- Make it routine. Building habits remove the need for daily decisions. Tie your actions to something you already do. For example, when you make a healthy meal, make extra for the next day. When you are taking a walk, add an extra 5 minutes once per week and adjust from there.
- Use accountability. Don’t go at it alone. Having support through challenges is paramount for success. A friend, coach, or even an app can help you stay the course when your motivation dips.
- Celebrate effort, not just results. Creating the body and lifestyle we want is not easy. Find ways to celebrate the effort you put into yourself. Every time you show up matters.
How Health Goals Reflect Life Goals
Seeing the bigger picture allows you to face discomfort and reshapes your entire approach to life.
The courage to have hard conversations with yourself, to stick to long-term goals, to do the work when no one’s watching, these are the building blocks to overcoming discomfort.
What starts as a 10-minute walk can turn into the discipline to start a new career path. What begins as choosing water over soda becomes the confidence to set a boundary towards relationships with others.
Change in one area creates a ripple effect everywhere.
My Final Thoughts
If you’re starting or struggling in your health and wellness journey, don’t wait for it to get easier or for the “right time.”
Let it be hard. Let it challenge you. And don’t forget the struggle is not a sign that you’re failing, it’s a sign that you’re on the right path.
Anything worth having has discomfort built into it. And if you embrace the hard, stay consistent, and stop fearing the unknown, you’ll find something more valuable than quick results. You’ll find a stronger, more resilient, more capable version of yourself.
Live Well
Vincent A.
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